Now I\u2019ve seen everything.<\/em><\/p>\nBoth Earthers were dressed in neat, gold-inlaid green tunics, costumes which looked terribly out of place amid the filth of Spacertown, and their hair was dyed a light green to match.<\/p>\n
He had been scrutinizing them for several moments before they became aware of him. They both spotted him at once and the one with no ears turned to his companion and whispered something. Rolf, leaning forward, strained to hear.<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2026 beautiful, isn\u2019t he? That\u2019s the biggest one I\u2019ve seen!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCome over here, won\u2019t you?\u201d the horned one called, in a soft, gentle voice which contrasted oddly with the raucous bellowing Rolf had been accustomed to hearing in space. \u201cWe\u2019d like to talk to you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Just then Kanaday emerged from the door of the shack and limped down to the staircase.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, Rolf!\u201d he called. \u201cLeave those things alone!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLet me find out what they want first, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCan\u2019t be any good, whatever it is,\u201d Kanaday growled. \u201cTell them to get out of here before I throw them back to wherever they came from. And make it fast.\u201d<\/p>\n
The two Earthers looked at each other uneasily. Rolf walked toward them.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe doesn\u2019t like Earthers, that\u2019s all,\u201d Rolf explained. \u201cBut he won\u2019t do anything but yell.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kanaday spat in disgust, turned, and limped back inside the shack.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t know you were wearing horns,\u201d Rolf said.<\/p>\n
The Earther flushed. \u201cNew style,\u201d he said. \u201cVery expensive.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh,\u201d Rolf said. \u201cI\u2019m new here; I just got back. Five years in space. When I left you people looked all alike. Now you wear horns.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s the new trend,\u201d said the earless one. \u201cWe\u2019re Individs. When you left the Conforms were in power, style-wise. But the new surgeons can do almost anything, you see.\u201d<\/p>\n
The shadow of a frown crossed Rolf\u2019s face. \u201cAnything?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlmost. They can\u2019t transform an Earther into a Spacer, and they don\u2019t think they ever will.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOr vice versa?\u201d Rolf asked.<\/p>\n
They sniggered. \u201cWhat Spacer would want to become an Earther? Who would give up that life, out in the stars?\u201d<\/p>\n
Rolf said nothing. He kicked at the heap of litter in the filthy street.\u00a0What spacer indeed?<\/em>\u00a0he thought. He suddenly realized that the two little Earthers were staring up at him as if he were some sort of beast. He probably weighed as much as both of them, he knew, and at six-four he was better than a foot taller. They looked like children next to him, like toys. The savage blast of acceleration would snap their flimsy bodies like toothpicks.<\/p>\n\u201cWhat places have you been to?\u201d the earless one asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cTwo years on Mars, one on Venus, one in the Belt, one on Neptune,\u201d Rolf recited. \u201cI didn\u2019t like Neptune. It was best in the Belt; just our one ship, prospecting. We made a pile on Ceres\u2014enough to buy out. I shot half of it on Neptune. Still have plenty left, but I don\u2019t know what I can do with it.\u201d He didn\u2019t add that he had come home puzzled, wondering why he was a Spacer instead of an Earther, condemned to live in filthy Spacertown when Yawk was just across the river.<\/p>\n
They were looking at his shabby clothes, at the dirty brownstone hovel he lived in\u2014an antique of a house four or five centuries old.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou mean you\u2019re rich?\u201d the Earther said.<\/p>\n
\u201cSure,\u201d Rolf said. \u201cEvery Spacer is. So what? What can I spend it on? My money\u2019s banked on Mars and Venus. Thanks to the law I can\u2019t legally get it to Earth. So I live in Spacertown.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHave you ever seen an Earther city?\u201d the earless one asked, looking around at the quiet streets of Spacertown with big powerful men sitting idly in front of every house.<\/p>\n
\u201cI used to live in Yawk,\u201d Rolf said. \u201cMy grandmother was an Earther; she brought me up there. I haven\u2019t been back there since I left for space.\u201d\u00a0They forced me out of Yawk<\/em>, he thought.\u00a0I\u2019m not part of their species. Not one of them.<\/em><\/p>\nThe two Earthers exchanged glances.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan we interest you in a suggestion?\u201d They drew in their breath as if they expected to be knocked sprawling.<\/p>\n
Kanaday appeared at the door of the shack again.<\/p>\n
\u201cRolf. Hey! You turning into an Earther? Get rid of them two cuties before there\u2019s trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rolf turned and saw a little knot of Spacers standing on the other side of the street, watching him with curiosity. He glared at them.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll do whatever I damn well please,\u201d he shouted across.<\/p>\n
He turned back to the two Earthers. \u201cNow, what is it you want?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m giving a party next week,\u201d the earless one said. \u201cI\u2019d like you to come. We\u2019d like to get the Spacer slant on life.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cParty?\u201d Rolf repeated. \u201cYou mean, dancing, and games, and stuff like that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ll enjoy it,\u201d the Earther said coaxingly. \u201cAnd we\u2019d all love to have a real Spacer there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen is it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA week.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have ten days left of my leave. All right,\u201d he said. \u201cI\u2019ll come.\u201d<\/p>\n
He accepted the Earther\u2019s card, looked at it mechanically, saw the name\u2014Kal Quinton\u2014and pocketed it. \u201cSure,\u201d he said. \u201cI\u2019ll be there.\u201d<\/p>\n
The Earthers moved toward their little jetcar, smiling gratefully. As Rolf crossed the street, the other Spacers greeted him with cold, puzzled stares.<\/p>\n
Kanaday was almost as tall as Rolf, and even uglier. Rolf\u2019s eyebrows were bold and heavy; Kanaday\u2019s, thick, contorted, bushy clumps of hair. Kanaday\u2019s nose had been broken long before in some barroom brawl; his cheekbones bulged; his face was strong and hard. More important, his left foot was twisted and gnarled beyond hope of redemption by the most skillful surgeon. He had been crippled in a jet explosion three years before, and was of no use to the Spacelines any more. They had pensioned him off. Part of the deal was the dilapidated old house in Spacertown which he operated as a boarding-house for transient Spacers.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you want to do that for?\u201d Kanaday asked. \u201cHaven\u2019t those Earthers pushed you around enough, so you have to go dance at one of their wild parties?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLeave me alone,\u201d Rolf muttered.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou like this filth you live in? Spacertown is just a ghetto, that\u2019s all. The Earthers have pushed you right into the muck. You\u2019re not even a human being to them\u2014just some sort of trained ape. And now you\u2019re going to go and entertain them. I thought you had brains, Rolf!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShut up!\u201d He dashed his glass against the table; it bounced off and dropped to the floor, where it shattered.<\/p>\n
Kanaday\u2019s girl Laney entered the room at the sound of the crash. She was tall and powerful-looking, with straight black hair and the strong cheekbones that characterized the Spacers. Immediately she stooped and began shoveling up the broken glass.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat wasn\u2019t smart, Rolf,\u201d she said. \u201cThat\u2019ll cost you half a credit. Wasn\u2019t worth it, was it?\u201d<\/p>\n
Rolf laid the coin on the edge of the table. \u201cTell your pal to shut up, then. If he doesn\u2019t stop icing me I\u2019ll fix his other foot for him and you can buy him a dolly.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked from one to the other. \u201cWhat\u2019s bothering you two now?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA couple of Earthers were here this morning,\u201d Kanaday said. \u201cSlumming. They took a fancy to our young friend here and invited him to one of their parties. He accepted.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u00a0what<\/em>? Don\u2019t go, Rolf. You\u2019re crazy to go.\u201d<\/p>\n\u201cWhy am I crazy?\u201d He tried to control his voice. \u201cWhy should we keep ourselves apart from the Earthers? Why shouldn\u2019t the two races get together?\u201d<\/p>\n
She put down her tray and sat next to him. \u201cThey\u2019re more than two races,\u201d she said patiently. \u201cEarther and Spacer are two different species, Rolf. Carefully, genetically separated. They\u2019re small and weak, we\u2019re big and powerful. You\u2019ve been bred for going to space; they\u2019re the castoffs, the ones who were too weak to go. The line between the two groups is too strong to break.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd they treat us like dirt\u2014like animals,\u201d Kanaday said. \u201cBut\u00a0they\u2019re<\/em>\u00a0the dirt. They were the ones who couldn\u2019t make it.\u201d<\/p>\n\u201cDon\u2019t go to the party,\u201d Laney said. \u201cThey just want to make fun of you. Look at the big ape, they\u2019ll say.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rolf stood up. \u201cYou don\u2019t understand. Neither of you does. I\u2019m part Earther,\u201d Rolf said. \u201cMy grandmother on my mother\u2019s side. She raised me as an Earther. She wanted me to be an Earther. But I kept getting bigger and uglier all the time. She took me to a plastic surgeon once, figuring he could make me look like an Earther. He was a little man; I don\u2019t know what he looked like to start with but some other surgeon had made him clean-cut and straight-nosed and thin-lipped like all the other Earthers. I was bigger than he was\u2014twice as big, and I was only fifteen. He looked at me and felt my bones and measured me. \u2018Healthy little ape\u2019\u2014those were the words he used. He told my grandmother I\u2019d get bigger and bigger, that no amount of surgery could make me small and handsome, that I was fit only for space and didn\u2019t belong in Yawk. So I left for space the next morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI see,\u201d Laney said quietly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t say good-bye. I just left. There was no place for me in Yawk; I couldn\u2019t pass myself off as an Earther any more. But I\u2019d like to go back and see what the old life was like, now that I know what it\u2019s like to be on the other side for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019ll hurt when you find out, Rolf.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll take that chance. But I want to go. Maybe my grandmother\u2019ll be there. The surgeons made her young and pretty again every few years; she looked like my sister when I left.\u201d<\/p>\n
Laney nodded her head. \u201cThere\u2019s no point arguing with him, Kanaday. He has to go back there and find out, so let him alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rolf smiled. \u201cThanks for understanding.\u201d He took out Quinton\u2019s card and turned it over and over in his hand.<\/p>\n
Rolf went to Yawk on foot, dressed in his best clothes, with his face as clean as it had been in some years. Spacertown was just across the river from Yawk, and the bridges spanning the river were bright and gleaming in the mid-afternoon sun.<\/p>\n
The bombs had landed on Yawk during the long-forgotten war, but somehow they had spared the sprawling borough across the river. And so Yawk had been completely rebuilt, once the radioactivity had been purged from the land, while what was now Spacertown consisted mostly of buildings that dated back to the Twentieth Century.<\/p>\n
Yawk had been the world\u2019s greatest seaport; now it was the world\u2019s greatest spaceport. The sky was thick with incoming and outgoing liners. The passengers on the ship usually stayed at Yawk, which had become an even greater metropolis than it had been before the Bomb. The crew crossed the river to Spacertown, where they could find their own kind.<\/p>\n
Yawk and Spacertown were like two separate planets. There were three bridges spanning the river, but most of the time they went unused, except by spacemen going back home or by spacemen going to the spaceport for embarkation. There was no regular transportation between the two cities; to get from Spacertown to Yawk, you could borrow a jetcar or you could walk. Rolf walked.<\/p>\n
He enjoyed the trip.\u00a0I\u2019m going back home<\/em>, he thought as he paced along the gleaming arc of the bridge, dressed in his Sunday best. He remembered the days of his own childhood, his parentless childhood. His earliest memory was of a fight at the age of six or so. He had stood off what seemed like half the neighborhood, ending the battle by picking up an older bully, much feared by everyone, and heaving him over a fence. When he told his grandmother about the way he had won the fight she cried for an hour, and never told him why. But they had never picked on him again, though he knew the other boys had jeered at him behind his back as he grew bigger and bigger over the years. \u201cApe,\u201d they called him. \u201cApe.\u201d<\/p>\nBut never to his face.<\/p>\n
He approached the Yawk end of the bridge. A guard was waiting there\u2014an Earther guard, small and frail, but with a sturdy-looking blaster at his hip.<\/p>\n
\u201cGoing back, Spacer?\u201d<\/p>\n
Rolf started. How did the guard know? And then he realized that all the guard meant was, are you going back to your ship?<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. No, I\u2019m going to a party. Kal Quinton\u2019s house.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTell me another, Spacer.\u201d The guard\u2019s voice was light and derisive. A swift poke in the ribs would break him in half, Rolf thought.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m serious. Quinton invited me. Here\u2019s his card.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf this is a joke it\u2019ll mean trouble. But go ahead; I\u2019ll take your word for it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rolf marched on past the guard, almost nonchalantly. He looked at the address on the card.\u00a012406 Kenman Road.<\/em>\u00a0He rooted around in his fading memory of Yawk, but he found the details had blurred under the impact of five years of Mars and Venus and the Belt and Neptune. He did not know where Kenman Road was.<\/p>\nThe glowing street signs were not much help either. One said 287th Street and the other said 72nd Avenue. Kenman Road might be anywhere.<\/p>\n
He walked on a block or two. The streets were antiseptically clean, and he had the feeling that his boots, which had lately trod in Spacertown, were leaving dirtmarks along the street. He did not look back to see.<\/p>\n
He looked at his wristchron. It was getting late, and Kenman Road might be anywhere. He turned into a busy thoroughfare, conscious that he was attracting attention. The streets here were crowded with little people who barely reached his chest; they were all about the same height, and most of them looked alike. A few had had radical surgical alterations, and every one of these was different. One had a unicorn-like horn; another, an extra eye which cunningly resembled his real ones. The Earthers were looking at him furtively, as they would at a tiger or an elephant strolling down a main street.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere are you going, Spacer?\u201d said a voice from the middle of the street.<\/p>\n
Rolf\u2019s first impulse was to snarl out a curse and keep moving, but he realized that the question was a good one and one whose answer he was trying to find out for himself. He turned.<\/p>\n
Another policeman stood on the edge of the walkway. \u201cAre you lost?\u201d The policeman was short and delicate-looking.<\/p>\n
Rolf produced his card.<\/p>\n
The policeman studied it. \u201cWhat business do you have with Quinton?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJust tell me how to get there,\u201d Rolf said. \u201cI\u2019m in a hurry.\u201d<\/p>\n
The policeman backed up a step. \u201cAll right, take it easy.\u201d He pointed to a kiosk. \u201cTake the subcar here. There\u2019s a stop at Kenman Road. You can find your way from there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019d rather walk it,\u201d Rolf said. He did not want to have to stand the strain of riding in a subcar with a bunch of curious staring Earthers.<\/p>\n
\u201cFine with me,\u201d the policeman said. \u201cIt\u2019s about two hundred blocks to the north. Got a good pair of legs?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNever mind,\u201d Rolf said. \u201cI\u2019ll take the subcar.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kenman Road was a quiet little street in an expensive-looking end of Yawk. 12406 was a towering building which completely overshadowed everything else on the street. As Rolf entered the door, a perfumed little Earther with a flashing diamond where his left eye should have been and a skin stained bright purple appeared from nowhere.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ve been waiting for you. Come on; Kal will be delighted that you\u2019re here.\u201d<\/p>\n
The elevator zoomed up so quickly that Rolf thought for a moment that he was back in space. But it stopped suddenly at the 62nd floor, and, as the door swung open, the sounds of wild revelry drifted down the hall. Rolf had a brief moment of doubt when he pictured Laney and Kanaday at this very moment, playing cards in their mouldering hovel while he walked down this plastiline corridor back into a world he had left behind.<\/p>\n
Quinton came out into the hall to greet him. Rolf recognized him by the missing ears; his skin was now a subdued blue to go with his orange robe.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m so glad you came,\u201d the little Earther bubbled. \u201cCome on in and I\u2019ll introduce you to everyone.\u201d<\/p>\n
The door opened photoelectrically as they approached. Quinton seized him by the hand and dragged him in. There was the sound of laughter and of shouting. As he entered it all stopped, suddenly, as if it had been shut off. Rolf stared at them quizzically from under his lowering brows, and they looked at him with ill-concealed curiosity.<\/p>\n
They seemed divided into two groups. Clustered at one end of the long hall was a group of Earthers who seemed completely identical, all with the same features, looking like so many dolls in a row. These were the Earthers he remembered, the ones whom the plastic surgeons had hacked at and hewn until they all conformed to the prevailing concept of beauty.<\/p>\n
Then at the other end was a different group. They were all different. Some had glittering jewels set in their foreheads, others had no lips, no hair, extra eyes, three nostrils. They were a weird and frightening group, highest product of the plastic surgeon\u2019s art.<\/p>\n
Both groups were staring silently at Rolf.<\/p>\n
\u201cFriends, this is Rolf\u2014Rolf\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDekker,\u201d Rolf said after a pause. He had almost forgotten his own last name.<\/p>\n
\u201cRolf Dekker, just back from outer space. I\u2019ve invited him to join us tonight. I think you\u2019ll enjoy meeting him.\u201d<\/p>\n
The stony silence slowly dissolved into murmurs of polite conversation as the party-goers adjusted to the presence of the newcomer. They seemed to be discussing the matter earnestly among themselves, as if Quinton had done something unheard-of by bringing a Spacer into an Earther party.<\/p>\n
A tall girl with blonde hair drifted up to him.<\/p>\n
\u201cAh. Jonne,\u201d Quinton said. He turned to Rolf. \u201cThis is Jonne. She asked to be your companion at the party. She\u2019s very interested in space and things connected with it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Things connected with it, Rolf thought. Meaning me. He looked at her. She was as tall an Earther as he had yet seen, and probably suffered for it when there were no Spacers around. Furthermore, he suspected, her height was accentuated for the evening by special shoes. She was not of the Individ persuasion, because her face was well-shaped, with smooth, even features, with no individualist distortion. Her skin was unstained. She wore a clinging off-the-breast tunic. Quite a dish, Rolf decided. He began to see that he might enjoy this party.<\/p>\n
The other guests began to approach timidly, now that the initial shock of his presence had worn off. They asked silly little questions about space\u2014questions which showed that they had only a superficial interest in him and were treating him as a sort of talking dog. He answered as many as he could, looking down at their little painted faces with concealed contempt.<\/p>\n
They think as little of me as I do of them.<\/em>\u00a0The thought hit him suddenly and his broad face creased in a smile at the irony. Then the music started.<\/p>\nThe knot of Earthers slowly broke up and drifted away to dance. He looked at Jonne, who had stood patiently at his side through all this.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t dance,\u201d he said. \u201cI never learned how.\u201d He watched the other couples moving gracefully around the floor, looking for all the world like an assemblage of puppets. He stared in the dim light, watching the couples clinging to each other as they rocked through the motions of the dance. He stood against the wall, wearing his ugliness like a shield. He saw the great gulf which separated him from the Earthers spreading before him, as he watched the dancers and the gay chatter and the empty badinage and the furtive hand-holding, and everything else from which he was cut off. The bizarre Individs were dancing together\u2014he noticed one man putting an extra arm to full advantage\u2014and the almost identical Conforms had formed their own group again. Rolf wondered how they told each other apart when they all looked alike.<\/p>\n
\u201cCome on,\u201d Jonne said. \u201cI\u2019ll show you how to dance.\u201d He turned to look at her, with her glossy blonde hair and even features. She smiled prettily, revealing white teeth.\u00a0Probably newly purchased?<\/em>\u00a0Rolf wondered.<\/p>\n\u201cActually I do know how to dance,\u201d Rolf said. \u201cBut I do it so badly\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat doesn\u2019t matter,\u201d she said gaily. \u201cCome on.\u201d<\/p>\n
She took his arm. Maybe she doesn\u2019t think I look like an ape, he thought. She doesn\u2019t treat me the way the others do. But why am I so ugly, and why is she so pretty?<\/p>\n
He looked at her and she looked at him, and he felt her glance on his stubbly face with its ferocious teeth and burning yellowish eyes. He didn\u2019t want her to see him at all; he wished he had no face.<\/p>\n
He folded her in his arms, feeling her warmth radiate through him. She was very tall, he realized, almost as tall as a Spacer woman\u2014but with none of the harsh ruggedness of the women of Spacertown. They danced, she well, he clumsily. When the music stopped she guided him to the entrance of a veranda.<\/p>\n
They walked outside into the cool night air. The lights of the city obscured most of the stars, but a few still showed, and the moon hung high above Yawk. He could dimly make out the lights of Spacertown across the river, and he thought again of Laney and Kanaday and wished Kanaday could see him now with this beautiful Earther next to him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou must get lonely in space,\u201d she said after a while.<\/p>\n
\u201cI do,\u201d he said, trying to keep his voice gentle. \u201cBut it\u2019s where I belong. I\u2019m bred for it.\u201d<\/p>\n
She nodded. \u201cYes. And any of those so-called men inside would give ten years of his life to be able to go to space. But yet you say it\u2019s lonely.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThose long rides through the night,\u201d he said. \u201cThey get you down. You want to be back among people. So you come back. You come back. And what do you come back to?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know,\u201d she said softly. \u201cI\u2019ve seen Spacertown.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy must it be that way?\u201d he demanded. \u201cWhy are Spacers so lucky and so wretched all at once?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLet\u2019s not talk about it now,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d like to kiss her, he thought. But my face is rough, and I\u2019m rough and ugly, and she\u2019d push me away. I remember the pretty little Earther girls who ran laughing away from me when I was thirteen and fourteen, before I went to space.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t have to be lonely,\u201d she said. One of her perfect eyebrows lifted just a little. \u201cMaybe someday you\u2019ll find someone who cares, Rolf. Someday, maybe.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah,\u201d he said. \u201cSomeday, maybe.\u201d But he knew it was all wrong. Could he bring this girl to Spacertown with him? No; she must be merely playing a game, looking for an evening\u2019s diversion. Something new: make love to a Spacer.<\/p>\n
They fell silent and he watched her again, and she watched him. He heard her breath rising and falling evenly, not at all like his own thick gasps. After a while he stepped close to her, put his arm around her, tilted her head into the crook of his elbow, bent, and kissed her.<\/p>\n
As he did it, he saw he was botching it just like everything else. He had come too close, and his heavy boot was pressing on the tip of her shoe; and he had not quite landed square on her lips. But still, he was close to her. He was reluctant to break it up, but he felt she was only half-responding, not giving anything of herself while he had given all. He drew back a step.<\/p>\n
She did not have time to hide the expression of distaste that involuntarily crossed her face. He watched the expression on her face as she realized the kiss was over. He watched her silently.<\/p>\n
\u201cSomeday, maybe,\u201d he said. She stared at him, not hiding the fear that was starting to grow on her face.<\/p>\n
He felt a cold chill deep in his stomach, and it grew until it passed through his throat and into his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah,\u201d he said. \u201cSomeday, maybe. But not you. Not anyone who\u2019s just playing games. That\u2019s all\u2014you want something to tell your friends about, that\u2019s why you volunteered for tonight\u2019s assignment. It\u2019s all you can do to keep from laughing at me, but you\u2019re sticking to it. I don\u2019t want any of it, hear me? Get away.\u201d<\/p>\n
She stepped back a pace. \u201cYou ugly, clumsy clown. You ape!\u201d Tears began to spoil the flawless mask of her face. Blinded with anger, he grabbed roughly for her arm, but she broke away and dashed back inside.<\/p>\n
She was trying to collect me, he thought. Her hobby: interesting dates. She wanted to add me to her collection. An Experience. Calmly he walked to the end of the veranda and stared off into the night, choking his rage. He watched the moon making its dead ride across the sky, and stared at the sprinkling of stars. The night was empty and cold, he thought, finally. But not more so than I.<\/p>\n
He turned and looked back through the half-opened window. He saw a girl who looked almost like her, but was not tall enough and wore a different dress. Then he spotted her. She was dancing with one of the Conforms, a frail-looking man a few inches shorter than she, with regular, handsome features. She laughed at some sly joke, and he laughed with her.<\/p>\n
Rolf watched the moon for a moment more, thinking of Laney\u2019s warning.\u00a0They just want to make fun of you. Look at the big ape, they\u2019ll say.<\/em><\/p>\nHe knew he had to get out of there immediately. He was a Spacer, and they were Earthers, and he scorned them for being contemptuous little dolls, and they laughed at him for being a hulking ape. He was not a member of their species; he was not part of their world.<\/p>\n
He went inside. Kal Quinton came rushing up to him.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m going,\u201d Rolf said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat? You don\u2019t mean that,\u201d the little man said. \u201cWhy, the party\u2019s scarcely gotten under way, and there are dozens of people who want to meet you. And you\u2019ll miss the big show if you don\u2019t stay.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve already seen the big show,\u201d Rolf told him. \u201cI want out. Now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can\u2019t leave now,\u201d Quinton said. Rolf thought he saw tears in the corners of the little man\u2019s eyes. \u201cPlease don\u2019t leave. I\u2019ve told everyone you\u2019d be here\u2014you\u2019ll disgrace me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do I care? Let me out of here.\u201d Rolf started to move toward the door. Quinton attempted to push him back.<\/p>\n
\u201cJust a minute, Rolf. Please!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have to get out,\u201d he said. He knocked Quinton out of his way with a backhand swipe of his arm and dashed down the hall frantically, looking for the elevator.<\/p>\n
Laney and Kanaday were sitting up waiting for him when he got back, early in the morning. He slung himself into a pneumochair and unsealed his boots, releasing his cramped, tired feet.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d Laney asked. \u201cHow was the party?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have fun among the Earthers, Rolf?\u201d<\/p>\n
He said nothing.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt couldn\u2019t have been that bad,\u201d Laney said.<\/p>\n
Rolf looked up at her. \u201cI\u2019m leaving space. I\u2019m going to go to a surgeon and have him turn me into an Earther. I hate this filthy life!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s drunk,\u201d Kanaday said.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I\u2019m not drunk,\u201d Rolf retorted. \u201cI don\u2019t want to be an ape any more.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs that what you are? If you\u2019re an ape, what are they to you? Monkeys?\u201d Kanaday laughed harshly.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre they really so wonderful?\u201d Laney asked. \u201cDoes the life appeal to you so much that you\u2019ll give up space for it? Do you admire the Earthers so much?\u201d<\/p>\n
She\u2019s got me<\/em>, Rolf thought. I hate Spacertown, but will I like Yawk any better? Do I really want to become one of those little puppets? But there\u2019s nothing left in space for me. At least the Earthers are happy.<\/p>\nI wish she wouldn\u2019t look at me that way.<\/em>\u00a0\u201cLeave me alone,\u201d he snarled. \u201cI\u2019ll do whatever I want to do.\u201d Laney was staring at him, trying to poke behind his mask of anger. He looked at her wide shoulders, her muscular frame, her unbeautiful hair and rugged face, and compared it with Jonne\u2019s clinging grace, her flowing gold hair.<\/p>\nHe picked up his boots and stumped up to bed.<\/p>\n
The surgeon\u2019s name was Goldring, and he was a wiry, intense man who had prevailed on one of his colleagues to give him a tiny slit of a mouth. He sat behind a shining plastiline desk, waiting patiently until Rolf finished talking.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt can\u2019t be done,\u201d he said at last. \u201cPlastic surgeons can do almost anything, but I can\u2019t turn you into an Earther. It\u2019s not just a matter of chopping eight or ten inches out of your legs; I\u2019d have to alter your entire bone structure or you\u2019d be a hideous misproportioned monstrosity. And it can\u2019t be done. I can\u2019t build you a whole new body from scratch, and if I could do it you wouldn\u2019t be able to afford it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rolf stamped his foot impatiently. \u201cYou\u2019re the third surgeon who\u2019s given me the same line. What is this\u2014a conspiracy? I see what you can do. If you can graft a third arm onto somebody, you can turn me into an Earther.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPlease, Mr. Dekker. I\u2019ve told you I can\u2019t. But I don\u2019t understand why you want such a change. Hardly a week goes by without some Yawk boy coming to me and asking to be turned into a Spacer, and I have to refuse him for the same reasons I\u2019m refusing you! That\u2019s the usual course of events\u2014the romantic Earther boy wanting to go to space, and not being able to.\u201d<\/p>\n
An idea hit Rolf. \u201cWas one of them Kal Quinton?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Mr. Dekker. I just can\u2019t divulge any such information.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rolf shot his arm across the desk and grasped the surgeon by the throat. \u201cAnswer me!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d the surgeon gasped. \u201cQuinton asked me for such an operation. Almost everyone wants one.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you can\u2019t do it?\u201d Rolf asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course not. I\u2019ve told you: the amount of work needed to turn Earther into Spacer or Spacer into Earther is inconceivable. It\u2019ll never be done.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI guess that\u2019s definite, then,\u201d Rolf said, slumping a little in disappointment. \u201cBut there\u2019s nothing to prevent you from giving me a new face\u2014from taking away this face and replacing it with something people can look at without shuddering.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t understand you, Mr. Dekker,\u201d the surgeon said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know that! Can\u2019t you see it\u2014I\u2019m\u00a0ugly<\/em>! Why? Why should I look this way?\u201d<\/p>\n\u201cPlease calm down, Mr. Dekker. You don\u2019t seem to realize that you\u2019re a perfectly normal-looking Spacer.\u00a0You were bred to look this way.<\/em>\u00a0It\u2019s your genetic heritage. Space is not a thing for everyone; only men with extraordinary bone structure can withstand acceleration. The first men were carefully selected and bred. You see the result of five centuries of this sort of breeding. The sturdy, heavy-boned Spacers\u2014you, Mr. Dekker, and your friends\u2014are the only ones who are fit to travel in space. The others, the weaklings like myself, the little people, resort to plastic surgery to compensate for their deficiency. For a while the trend was to have everyone conform to a certain standard of beauty; if we couldn\u2019t be strong, we could at least be handsome. Lately a new theory of individualism has sprung up, and now we strive for original forms in our bodies. This is all because size and strength has been bred out of us and given to you.\u201d<\/p>\n\u201cI know all this,\u201d Rolf said. \u201cWhy can\u2019t you\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy can\u2019t I peel away your natural face and make you look like an Earther? There\u2019s no reason why; it would be a simple operation. But who would you fool? Why can\u2019t you be grateful for what you are? You can go to Mars, while we can merely look at it. If I gave you a new face, it would cut you off from both sides. The Earthers would still know you were a Spacer, and I\u2019m sure the other Spacers would immediately cease to associate with you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWho are you to say? You\u2019re not supposed to pass judgment on whether an operation should be performed, or you wouldn\u2019t pull out people\u2019s eyes and stick diamonds in!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not that, Mr. Dekker.\u201d The surgeon folded and unfolded his hands in impatience. \u201cYou must realize that you are what you are. Your appearance is a social norm, and for acceptance in your social environment you must continue to appear, well, perhaps, shall I say apelike?\u201d<\/p>\n
It was as bad a word as the surgeon could have chosen.<\/p>\n
\u201cApe! Ape, am I! I\u2019ll show you who\u2019s an ape!\u201d Rolf yelled, all the accumulated frustration of the last two days suddenly bursting loose. He leaped up and overturned the desk. Dr. Goldring hastily jumped backwards as the heavy desk crashed to the floor. A startled nurse dashed into the office, saw the situation, and immediately ran out.<\/p>\n
\u201cGive me your instruments! I\u2019ll operate on myself!\u201d He knocked Goldring against the wall, pulled down a costly solidograph from the wall and kicked it at him, and crashed through into the operating room, where he began overturning tables and heaving chairs through glass shelves.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll show you,\u201d he said. He cracked an instrument case and took out a delicate knife with a near-microscopic edge. He bent it in half and threw the crumpled wreckage away. Wildly he destroyed everything he could, raging from one end of the room to the other, ripping down furnishings, smashing, destroying, while Dr. Goldring stood at the door and yelled for help.<\/p>\n
It was not long in coming. An army of Earther policemen erupted into the room and confronted him as he stood panting amid the wreckage. They were all short men, but there must have been twenty of them.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t shoot him,\u201d someone called. And then they advanced in a body.<\/p>\n
He picked up the operating table and hurled it at them. Three policemen crumpled under it, but the rest kept coming. He batted them away like insects, but they surrounded him and piled on. For a few moments he struggled under the load of fifteen small men, punching and kicking and yelling. He burst loose for an instant, but two of them were clinging to his legs and he hit the floor with a crash. They were on him immediately, and he stopped struggling after a while.<\/p>\n
The next thing he knew he was lying sprawled on the floor of his room in Spacertown, breathing dust out of the tattered carpet. He was a mass of cuts and bruises, and he knew they must have given him quite a going-over. He was sore from head to foot.<\/p>\n
So they hadn\u2019t arrested him. No, of course not; no more than they would arrest any wild animal who went berserk. They had just dumped him back in the jungle. He tried to get up, but couldn\u2019t make it. Quite a going-over it must have been. Nothing seemed broken, but everything was slightly bent.<\/p>\n
\u201cSatisfied now?\u201d said a voice from somewhere. It was a pleasant sound to hear, a voice, and he let the mere noise of it soak into his mind. \u201cNow that you\u2019ve proved to everyone that you really are just an ape?\u201d<\/p>\n
He twisted his neck around\u2014slowly, because his neck was stiff and sore. Laney was sitting on the edge of his bed with two suitcases next to her.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt really wasn\u2019t necessary to run wild there,\u201d she said. \u201cThe Earthers all knew you were just an animal anyway. You didn\u2019t have to prove it so violently.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, Laney. Quit it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you want me to. I just wanted to make sure you knew what had happened. A gang of Earther cops brought you back a while ago and dumped you here. They told me the story.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLeave me alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ve been telling everyone that all along, Rolf. Look where it got you. A royal beating at the hands of a bunch of Earthers. Now that they\u2019ve thrown you out for the last time, has it filtered into your mind that this is where you belong?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIn Spacertown?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOnly between trips. You belong in space, Rolf. No surgeon can make you an Earther. The Earthers are dead, but they don\u2019t know it yet. All their parties, their fancy clothes, their extra arms and missing ears\u2014that means they\u2019re decadent. They\u2019re finished. You\u2019re the one who\u2019s alive; the whole universe is waiting for you to go out and step on its neck. And instead you want to turn yourself into a green-skinned little monkey! Why?\u201d<\/p>\n
He pulled himself to a sitting position. \u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d he said. \u201cI\u2019ve been all mixed up, I think.\u201d He felt his powerful arm. \u201cI\u2019m a Spacer.\u201d Suddenly he glanced at her. \u201cWhat are the suitcases for?\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m moving in,\u201d Laney said. \u201cI need a place to sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s the matter with Kanaday? Did he get tired of listening to you preaching? He\u2019s my friend, Laney; I\u2019m not going to do him dirt.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s dead, Rolf. When the Earther cops came here to bring you back, and he saw what they did to you, his hatred overflowed. He always hated Earthers, and he hated them even more for the way you were being tricked into thinking they were worth anything. He got hold of one of those cops and just about twisted him into two pieces. They blasted him.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rolf was silent. He let his head sink down on his knees.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo I moved down here. It\u2019s lonely upstairs now. Come on; I\u2019ll help you get up.\u201d<\/p>\n
She walked toward him, hooked her hand under his arm, and half-dragged, half-pushed him to his feet. Her touch was firm, and there was no denying the strength behind her.<\/p>\n
\u201cI have to get fixed up,\u201d he said abruptly. \u201cMy leave\u2019s up in two days. I have to get out of here. We\u2019re shipping for Pluto.\u201d<\/p>\n
He rocked unsteadily on his feet. \u201cIt\u2019ll really get lonely here then,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you really going to go? Or are you going to find some jack-surgeon who\u2019ll make your face pretty for a few dirty credits?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cStop it. I mean it. I\u2019m going. I\u2019ll be gone a year on this signup. By then I\u2019ll have enough cash piled up on various planets to be a rich man. I\u2019ll get it all together and get a mansion on Venus, and have Greenie slaves.\u201d<\/p>\n
It was getting toward noon. The sun, high in the sky, burst through the shutters and lit up the dingy room.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll stay here,\u201d Laney said. \u201cYou\u2019re going to Pluto?\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cKanaday was supposed to be going to Pluto. He was heading there when that explosion finished his foot. He never got there after that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPoor old Kanaday,\u201d Rolf said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll miss him too. I guess I\u2019ll have to run the boarding-house now. For a while. Will you come back here when your year\u2019s up?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI suppose so,\u201d Rolf said without looking up. \u201cThis town is no worse than any of the other Spacertowns. No better, but no worse.\u201d He slowly lifted his head and looked at her as she stood there facing him.<\/p>\n
\u201cI hope you come back,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
The sun was coming in from behind her, now, and lighting her up. She was rugged, all right, and strong: a good hard worker. And she was well built. Suddenly his aches became less painful, as he looked at her and realized that she was infinitely more beautiful than the slick, glossy-looking girl he had kissed on the veranda, who had bought her teeth at a store and had gotten her figure from a surgeon. Laney, at least, was real.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know,\u201d he said at last, \u201cI think I have an idea. You wait here and I\u2019ll come get you when my year\u2019s up. I\u2019ll have enough to pay passage to Venus for two. We can get a slightly smaller mansion than I planned on getting. But we can get it. Some parts of Venus are beautiful. And the closest those monkeys from Yawk can get to it is to look at it in the night sky. You think it\u2019s a good idea?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think it\u2019s a great idea,\u201d she said, moving toward him. Her head was nearly as high as his own.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll go back to space. I have to, to keep my rating. But you\u2019ll wait for me, won\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll wait.\u201d<\/p>\n
And as he drew her close, he knew she meant it.<\/p>\n
THE END<\/p>\n