Book Review: I Belong by Trish Mastel Stricklin

Reviewed by Erin Britton

Ernie Rollado’s quest to discover the identity of her father threatens her self-perception and her existent family relationships in Trish Mastel Stricklin’s I Belong.

A fictionalized biographical account of events from her grandparents’ and mother’s lives, I Belong by Trish Mastel Stricklin continues the family saga that began with What Lies in Truth and delves into the complexities of family history and the impacts of secrets on the bonds that bind people together. 

Spanning the years from 1942 to 1984, a tumultuous period that witnessed significant social change in the United States, her family’s story reflects evolving attitudes toward relationships, morality, and religion while always keeping the human impacts of such issues front and center.

At the heart of the novel is thirteen-year-old Ernestine Rollado, better known as Ernie, Stricklin’s imagined version of her aunt, whose longing to uncover the truth about her initially absent and now apparently deceased father becomes a powerful force shaping both her relationships and her self-perception. Her nearly life-long quest to discover the truth about her parentage starts in earnest in September 1942 when she leaves home to spend a year living with her grandparents in White Water, Wisconsin.

“In some ways, the coming year promised to be an adventure, beginning with the train trip. … But as exciting as it was, she’d miss Angel, Rob, and her friends. And though Mother was often on her case, she’d miss her too.” The reason for her departure is that, perhaps not unusually for the time, her mother has found full-time employment and so dispatched her three children to temporary billets—with   grandparents for Ernie, with a friend for sister Angel, and in an orphanage for brother Rob—until she is better able to look after them.

This physical fracturing of the family unit is a clear reflection of the emotional distance between Henrietta “Henri” Rollado and her children, something that is felt particularly keenly by Ernie. Before she leaves for the train, Ernie flicks through a family photograph album, wondering who the various people pictured alongside her mother are. “One of the photos was of Angel and herself with Father Ferrera in front of an old fashioned black car.” As always, seeing the photo causes her to again ponder the past and the identity of her father:

“Interesting. It looks like I’m about two, and Angel’s about three. Mother always said Father Ferrera was a family friend. I remember seeing him once before Rob was born, but never after. I wonder why.”

Still, other photographs in the album suggest other potential and as yet unidentified fathers. What’s more, once she’s settled in with her grandparents in White Water, Ernie determines to dedicate her year there to finding out more about the mystery of her father, something that seems to be whispered about among relatives when they think none of the younger generation can hear. “But sometimes I hear them whispering about your mom. But they always shut up when they notice I’m around. Don’t get me wrong. Everybody loves your mom, but it’s like they’re hiding something.”

Over time, Ernie’s curiosity and diligent observation of the behaviors and comments of those around her leads to her developing a distinct suspicion as to the identity of her father. However, neither the man himself nor her mother are willing to confirm her suspicions, which only increases the unhappiness she feels regarding her identity and place in the world, particularly after she returns to her mother’s care in Great Falls. In fact, her desire to know the truth persists into adulthood and the shadow of the unknown casts a pall on everything she does and everyone she meets.

Given the backdrop of family secrets and the burden they impose, I Belong takes shape as Ernie and, to a somewhat lesser extent, her siblings grapple with the void left by the absence of her father. The reluctance of her mother, Henri, to divulge much about him beyond his supposed name and nationality adds layers of mystery and tension to the story, leading to a poignant exploration of the consequences of withholding crucial information, especially from a curious and impressionable child:

“Mother had told her he’d came from Portugal and was part of an aristocratic family. When he’d came to America, he’d became a traveling salesman, and died of pneumonia just after Rob was born. That was it. Mother said it was too dangerous to know more. But she never explained why.”

Ernie’s journey throughout the novel is one of self-discovery, as she attempts to move forward in life while haunted by feelings of self-doubt and abandonment. Stricklin emotively portrays the internal struggles Ernie faces as she seeks to better understand her identity and her roots. The narrative captures the intricacies of messy family dynamics, particularly the fragile balance between the desire for transparency and the need to shield loved ones from potential (emotional) harm.

The central issue of secrecy, driven by a promise Henri made to Ernie’s father to protect their children from the truth about him, serves as the catalyst for the emotional turmoil that unfolds throughout I Belong. Stricklin adeptly tugs at the heartstrings and evokes empathy as Ernie’s resentment grows over the years, threatening the relationships that she holds dear, eventually even those with her own children. The strained connection between mother and daughter becomes a focal point in this regard, highlighting the challenges associated with honoring promises made at times of significant upheaval.

In exploring the reasons for and against keeping secrets of such importance, the novel navigates the delicate terrain of familial love, sacrifice, and the multifaceted consequences of hidden truths. Stricklin’s exploration of her characters’ internal struggles, most particularly Ernie’s but also her siblings’ and mothers’ difficulties, adds depth to the story, fostering a strong connection with the emotional nuances of each family member. The steady pacing of the novel ensures that engagement is maintained throughout, with revelations being unveiled in a way that mirrors the gradual revealing of family secrets.

I Belong is a poignant tale that resonates with universal understandings of identity, belonging, and the intricate web of family ties. Stricklin’s storytelling shines as she describes the emotional landscape of her characters, making them relatable and compelling. The novel is not merely a story about a family’s past, it’s a reflection on the enduring impacts of secrets on the human psyche and the challenging processes of acceptance and understanding. In the end, I Belong is a heartfelt exploration of the intricate connection between love and secrecy as it manifests in family life.

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