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At Dark, I Become Loathsome by Eric LaRocca

Eric LaRocca, known for his unsettling and profound narratives, presents At Dark, I Become Loathsome, a novel that delves into the darkest recesses of human grief, trauma, and redemption. The author, who previously earned acclaim with Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke, blends horror, queer themes, and a mystery-laden plot to create a story as fascinating as it is disturbing. However, despite the ambition and raw honesty of LaRocca’s writing, this novel leaves a mixed impression, with moments of brilliance often overshadowed by narrative and thematic dissonance.

Plot Overview: A Ritual of Desperation

The story follows Ashley Lutin, a man haunted by the tragic loss of his wife and the disappearance of his young son. Consumed by grief, Ashley creates a peculiar ritual for those struggling with the desire to end their own lives. His method—a “fake death” ritual involving burial in a coffin—is as macabre as it is symbolic, offering a rebirth to those who partake. When Ashley meets Jinx, a new candidate for his ritual, their interactions unravel a spiral of trauma, secrets, and dark desires. The novel moves through a labyrinth of pain, exploring how suffering can intertwine with the need for connection and absolution.

Character Analysis: Monsters in the Dark

Ashley is a compelling protagonist, a man driven by an altruistic yet twisted sense of purpose. His character is layered with grief, and LaRocca masterfully depicts the fine line between empathy and monstrosity. Jinx, on the other hand, is equally captivating, bringing a fresh and unsettling dynamic to the story. Their relationship acts as the beating heart of the novel, showcasing how shared suffering can create a dangerous bond. However, some secondary characters lack depth, often serving more as narrative devices than fully realized individuals.

Writing Style: Beauty in the Grotesque

LaRocca’s prose is hauntingly lyrical. He has a remarkable ability to craft scenes that are as beautiful as they are horrifying. The author uses vivid imagery and poetic language to draw readers into the unsettling world he has built. However, this strength occasionally becomes a weakness. At times, the prose feels overly ornate, distancing the reader from the raw emotions at play. The novel’s pacing also suffers in certain sections, with moments of intense engagement interrupted by verbose and introspective passages.

Themes: Trauma, Death, and Rebirth

Central to the novel are the themes of trauma, grief, and the desire for redemption. LaRocca delves into how pain can manifest in rituals and how death can symbolize a fresh start. The exploration of queer identity within the horror genre is commendable, adding layers of depth to the narrative. However, the novel sometimes struggles to balance its thematic ambitions, leaving certain ideas underdeveloped.

Critique: When Darkness Overwhelms

While At Dark, I Become Loathsome showcases LaRocca’s talent for horror and psychological depth, it also stumbles in critical areas. The novel’s ambiguity, while initially intriguing, occasionally drifts into confusion, leaving key plot points underexplored. Additionally, the blending of horror with transgressive elements may not resonate with all readers, particularly as some scenes lean towards discomfort rather than insightful horror.

Final Verdict: A Flickering Light in the Dark

Overall, At Dark, I Become Loathsome is a brave and unsettling novel that will appeal to fans of dark, introspective horror. While it may not fully achieve its ambitious goals, it remains a thought-provoking read, showcasing LaRocca’s ability to navigate the boundaries between horror and humanity. Those who appreciate stories that linger long after the final page will find much to admire, even if the experience is occasionally uneven.

Recommended Reads

The Fisherman by John Langan
A Head Full of Ghosts by Paul Tremblay
The Cabin at the End of the World by Paul Tremblay
Tender Is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica
Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke by Eric LaRocca

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