Book Review: To the Left of Death

Reviewed by Samantha Hui | Content warnings: child abuse, suicide, addiction, depression

A caring story about how we must not mistake re-creating the past for creating a present 

“It’s easy for some people to look at a situation from the outside and call it by a certain name, even if that name is wrong. It makes them feel safe. In control.”

Sometimes, though we find ourselves in stories that weren’t written for us, we must suffer the consequences and climb our way out. Susan Quilty’s To the Left of Death explores how our search for answers to “Why?” and “How come?” can be not only futile but detrimental. The novel offers an empathic yet candid perspective on how PTSD can lead victims to make unfavorable choices and lose themselves to the trauma.

“I think some events go beyond giving you a wiser point of view. Some memories–some thoughts–seep in, even after the scarring of the tragedy itself, and they continue to eat away at the person you once were.”

She is a former artist. She is a former teacher. She is George’s wife and Jessica’s sister. She is the witness and possible accessory to a murder. The third grade teacher thought she and her coworker, Liz, were performing a well-intentioned wellness check on her struggling student and the student’s father, Ed. 

Three years later, she still suffers from the trauma of cradling Ed’s bloody and lifeless body after he is shot by Liz. She now lives in guilt and unresolved, unaddressed trauma; she is withdrawn from her relationships and career, she has gaps in her memory, and she has taken to drinking to dull the roar of her conscience. When she is compelled to take up art for the first time since college, old wounds—and investigations—are re-opened.

“My brain doesn’t work that way. When I step back and try to observe my own life, it looks more like a yard sale jigsaw: jumbled pieces from a mix of puzzles but not enough–or too many–to fit into a solid picture.”

To the Left of Death is structured in the style of journal entries written over the span of twenty-five days. The central character recounts the experiences of watching her older sister slowly lose her battle with cancer, witnessing the murder of Ed, and her subsequent spiral into her obsessive search for truth and answers. 

The epistolary style of the novel allow for a more compassionate and creative way of telling a story about the effects of trauma from the victim’s perspective: there are forgotten or falsified memories, irrational and impulsive behaviors and reactions, and readers get to experience the central character’s inner turmoil and attempts to reconcile current values with past events. 

“People lose themselves and find themselves over and over. It’s never easy.”

Early on in the story, the question of whether or not someone who cheats on their partner actually loves their partner is brought up. The book as a whole suggests that humans are too messy and complex for infidelity to be a simple yes or no question. Quilty’s writing demonstrates a commitment to telling a story with truth, accuracy, and most importantly compassion. In writing about not only the ugly side of mental illness but of the human experience as a whole, To the Left of Death prompts readers to consider their own preconceptions. 

“I do know that there’s more to life than the big moments. The traumas. The heartaches. The death. There are all these other complicated things. The social. The awkward. The figuring out where you belong and what you can, and should, and might be doing with this life that you never asked for but are now responsible to live. And those things are important to me.”

To the Left of Death is an expertly paced and beautifully written novel about the responsibility of living. The book tackles extremely heavy and uncomfortable stories and experiences such as child sexual assault, suicide, addiction, depression, and death. Readers should tread lightly. However, for those who are looking for unique, thoughtful storytelling about being more compassionate and empathetic, this book is a must read. Though the darkest moments in this book are devastating, the tender moments are sweet and well-deserved without feeling overly sentimental.

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