Book Review: The Night Garden of My Mother

Reviewed by Lola Lee

A moving story of life and death, of mother and daughter

 This memoir is like an intimate portrait, a reflection of its beautiful cover. Sandra Tyler deals with accepting the frail person her mother has become in the emotional Night Garden of My Mother. 

Amidst Sandra’s worries in watching her mother lose herself to Dementia are her own struggles with the overwhelming responsibilities of her family and her writing career. She recognizes her mother’s physical and mental decline and the emotional and spiritual challenges that come with it, as the ravages of years and dementia steal away the independent and strong woman she once knew.

“My mother right up to her dying day, plunged fearlessly forward into life, in the way she’d plunge into the lake, into the cold October waters at the bay. It was this spirit that enabled her to live independently for so long, what would become, quite literally, the one thing still keeping her alive.”

This memoir adeptly balances the present and the past. Sandra constantly revisits memories, reflecting on the moments that shaped her and her mother, like the bittersweet meal they shared shortly before her father’s death. Through these, Tyler captures the mix of closeness and tension that defines so many mother-daughter relationships. The writer’s transparency in expressing her feelings, even when they may sound mean, makes the narrative feel authentic and raw.

As her mother’s mental and physical faculties decline, the roles invert: now Tyler has to take care of the woman who once cared for her. This is devastating for both of them—and for us.

When authorities take her mother’s driver’s license, a shift comes. A symbolic act that means the loss of her autonomy and independence. For her mother, this is a cruel blow, marking the beginning of her downfall. For Sandra, this would be a painful reminder that she is losing the essence of the person her mother was.

Despite the heft of these emotions, this story is full of love and care. While her mother’s decline advances, Sandra remains committed to being there for her. 

Night Garden of My Mother is about the enduring connection between mother and daughter, even in the face of death. The memoir’s themes of loss and acceptance resonate deeply, particularly for those who have experienced the grief of watching a loved one’s health deteriorate.

This is the type of memoir that makes you look inside yourself and around you at the relationships in your own family. Who couldn’t look inward with as poignant a life story as this? Readers will appreciate the moments of care within it and the discovery of meaning in the process of aging. This is a book that reminds us of the fleeting nature of life and the beauty of the moments that remain with us after they’re gone.

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