Book Review: This Stops With Me

Reviewed by Elizabeth Reiser

An authentic approach to moving forward from family trauma and toxicity

This Stops With Me is an emotive & raw memoir about Louise Grayhurst emerging out of the fraught relationship she had with her narcissistic mother.

A domestic violence and family law attorney and mediator by day, Grayhurst comes from a place of passion in helping people work through toxic relationships. This makes sense, as she she was in one for most of her life. It was not until the age of 35 Grayhurst found the strength, after years of trauma and abuse, to remove her narcissistic parent from her life. She is now sharing tangible ways others can do the same. 

Familial relationships can be complex, and the decision to distance yourself from family members is often considered taboo. With This Stops for Me, Grayhurst asks if family bonds should really be unbreakable. Her personal story of severing ties with her mother and siblings gives a beating heart and personality to the self-help side of the book.

This book provides real value for readers contemplating a similar decision. Grayhurst lays out the tactics used by narcissistic abusers to gain control and alienate their victims and intimates that it’s a cycle that needs breaking, perhaps with clearly established boundaries or maybe with cutting contact altogether. Grayhurst shows how with expertise and experience.

Predominantly a self-help book, it’s made much more engaging with her personal journey. While it’s at once a story about removing people who do not add value to her life, it also tells a compelling story about healing in her relationship with her sister and carving out a fresh start with her. It’s an all-encompassing book, a moving story about important decisions and how it can help others struggling with the same. It is not so much a book about ending relationships as it is about healing the one you have with yourself in the best, most informed way you can. 

The wounds from her relationship with her sister remain evident, but this just gives off the impression that she is a work in progress and that you are too. This memoir enthusiastically proclaims the freedom and joy that can come with healing and moving on, but it simultaneously communicates that those readers seeking help will not achieve this freedom overnight. The topic is sensitive, personal, and balanced; it should land nicely with readers looking for guidance.

This Stops With Me is straightforward with dashes of humor to lighten the heavy topic of challenging familial relationships.

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