In a world where advice is freely dispensed on every corner of the internet—often unsolicited and questionably qualified—Dolly Alderton’s collection of agony aunt letters and responses feels like a comforting conversation with a trusted friend. Dear Dolly by Dolly Alderton compiles the most compelling exchanges from her Sunday Times Style column, creating a tapestry of modern life’s most persistent problems: love, heartbreak, friendship, family, and the endless quest to understand ourselves.
As someone who came of age during Alderton’s rise to literary stardom (first with her memoir Everything I Know About Love and then her novel Ghosts), I approached this collection with high expectations. What I found was a remarkably vulnerable exploration of human connection that manages to be both timeless and distinctly of our moment.
The Agony Aunt We Need, Not the One We Deserve
Alderton begins her book with a refreshingly candid introduction about why she wanted to become an agony aunt in the first place. During what she calls her “annus horribilis” (which unfortunately coincided with 2020’s global pandemic), she found herself drawn to the idea of fixing other people’s problems when her own life felt chaotic.
“I was at an all-time low when I decided I wanted to try to fix everyone else’s problems. My head was a mess and my heart was broken.”
What follows is a selection of letters organized into seven sections: Dating, Friendship, Relationships, Family, Sex, Break-ups & Exes, and Body & Soul. This thoughtful categorization allows readers to either consume the book from cover to cover or dip in and out according to their particular life crises.
Standout Features: The Universal in the Specific
Alderton’s distinctive voice
What elevates Dear Dolly above standard advice collections is Alderton’s distinctive writing style. She strikes a perfect balance between empathy and tough love, seasoned with a generous sprinkling of her trademark self-deprecating humor. Whether responding to a letter about being too tall for dating or navigating a friendship with someone who’s had an abusive relationship, she brings warmth, wisdom, and wit to each reply.
Her response to a 19-year-old who describes herself as a “love addict” obsessed with unattainable women is particularly masterful:
“I want to prefix this advice with a plain-as-day fact: some of the most important relationships of your teenage life will take place in your head. The stranger on the bus to whom you are married until they get off at their stop… these are the romantic leads of your adolescence.”
Cultural observation as emotional intelligence
Alderton excels at placing individual problems within their broader cultural contexts. She acknowledges the societal pressures that shape our experiences without using them as excuses for poor behavior. When addressing a woman worried about her height in dating, she writes:
“The mythology about being a tall woman has, in the past, made me feel insane. If everyone wants to be this height, why do I not enjoy it? If being tall is so coveted, why am I so embarrassed about it all the time?”
This ability to toggle between micro and macro perspectives gives her advice genuine depth. She doesn’t just tell people what to do; she helps them understand why they feel the way they do.
The Flaws Among the Flowers
Despite its considerable strengths, Dear Dolly isn’t without its shortcomings:
Repetitive themes: Though Alderton addresses this herself, noting that “the same problems that appear in different guises every single week,” some readers might find certain topics overly familiar, particularly if they’ve followed her column.
Demographic limitations: Most letters come from heterosexual women in their twenties and thirties, making the collection feel somewhat narrow in scope. While Alderton acknowledges this (“I long for a more diverse range of issues from a more diverse range of letter-writers”), it still leaves some perspectives underrepresented.
The occasional oversimplification: Sometimes complex problems receive responses that feel slightly rushed or pat. This is an inevitable limitation of the advice column format, but a few letters might have benefited from more nuanced exploration.
British-centricity: Some cultural references and linguistic expressions might perplex international readers who aren’t familiar with specific British terms or cultural touchpoints.
Who Should Read This Book?
Dear Dolly will resonate most strongly with:
People navigating the messy terrain of modern relationships
Fans of Alderton’s previous work who appreciate her voice and perspective
Anyone who’s ever found solace in reading advice columns
Readers who enjoy insightful cultural commentary woven through personal stories
Those seeking wisdom without judgment on life’s persistent questions
The book would make an excellent gift for a friend going through a breakup, quarter-life crisis, or major life transition. It’s also perfect for dipping into during those moments when you need a voice of reason (or simply a good laugh).
Comparisons and Context
Alderton’s approach to agony aunting places her in the lineage of advice columnists like Cheryl Strayed (whose “Dear Sugar” column became the book Tiny Beautiful Things) and Nora Ephron (whose essays often took the form of advice). Like Strayed, Alderton draws on her own experiences to inform her guidance. Like Ephron, she combines sharp wit with genuine empathy.
For readers who enjoyed Dear Dolly, similar works might include:
Everything I Know About Love (Alderton’s memoir)
Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed
Ask Polly’s Guide to Your Next Crisis by Heather Havrilesky
How To Fail by Elizabeth Day
The Heart of the Matter
What makes Dear Dolly truly special is Alderton’s ability to see through the specifics of each problem to the universal human needs underneath. Whether addressing heartbreak, friendship struggles, or family tensions, she consistently returns to themes of self-compassion, honest communication, and the courage to live authentically.
Some of her most powerful insights include:
On boundaries: “”Boundaries” is one of those self-help words that is often misused or overused. Having boundaries doesn’t mean being self-absorbed, it means being truthful about what you can comfortably give.”
On heartbreak: “I’ve always found that when I can’t stop crying, it is an expression of frustration.”
On sexuality: “What we find hot in fantasy is often an inversion of what we want in reality—transgression and taboo are a part of that.”
On self-image: “Character is far more robust than appearance. Many variables can affect how we look—it’s so much harder to be robbed of your character.”
Final Verdict:
Dear Dolly offers a compelling blend of compassion, humor, and practical wisdom that makes it a worthy addition to any bookshelf. While not reinventing the advice genre, Alderton brings her distinct voice and contemporary sensibility to age-old problems.
The book’s greatest strength is its humanity—Alderton never positions herself as having all the answers. Instead, she walks alongside her letter writers, offering perspective rather than prescription. As she writes in her introduction:
“I would just be a person who’d made mistakes and was interested in learning. Someone who was trying to better understand life, just like the person writing in to me.”
This humility, combined with her sharp insights and warm humor, makes Dear Dolty both a comforting companion and a challenging guide to navigating the complexities of modern life. While it may not resolve all your problems, it will certainly make you feel less alone in having them—and that, perhaps, is the greatest gift an agony aunt can offer.