In a world that demands constant acquiescence, Dr. Sunita Sah’s “Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes” arrives as a revelatory examination of our tendency to comply even when every fiber of our being screams otherwise. This timely work arrives at a cultural inflection point when many are questioning the social structures that have long demanded our unquestioning compliance.
As an organizational psychologist and former physician, Sah brings a unique interdisciplinary perspective to this exploration of defiance. Drawing from her own experiences and rigorous research, she transforms our understanding of what it means to say “no” in situations ranging from the mundane to the life-threatening. The result is a compelling and illuminating guide that empowers readers to reconnect with their core values and act accordingly, even when social pressures make defiance seem impossible.
The Science of Compliance: Why We Say Yes When We Want to Say No
Sah begins by dissecting the psychological foundations of compliance, explaining how we are essentially “wired to comply” from early childhood. Through both personal anecdotes and scientific research, she illustrates how deeply ingrained our tendency toward obedience truly is. Her analysis of Stanley Milgram’s famous obedience experiments is particularly insightful, going beyond the standard interpretation to highlight the “resistance to resistance” that many participants demonstrated before ultimately complying.
What makes Sah’s approach unique is her recognition that compliance isn’t simply a matter of weakness or cowardice—it’s a complex psychological response shaped by cultural conditioning, institutional pressures, and interpersonal dynamics. She introduces readers to concepts like “insinuation anxiety” (our fear of implying negative judgments about others) and the “sales pitch effect” (our discomfort with appearing uncharitable), demonstrating how these mechanisms can trap us in patterns of behavior that contradict our true values.
The book’s strength lies in Sah’s ability to blend scientific research with compelling storytelling. From her own experiences as a young physician reluctantly undergoing an unnecessary CT scan to the heartwrenching account of George Floyd’s murder, Sah grounds abstract psychological concepts in vivid real-world examples that resonate emotionally with readers.
Navigating the Defiance Journey
The heart of “Defy” is Sunita Sah’s innovative framework for understanding and practicing defiance. Rather than viewing defiance as a single dramatic act, she presents it as a process consisting of five distinct stages:
Tension – Experiencing discomfort when faced with something that contradicts our values
Acknowledgment – Recognizing that tension as a signal of potential defiance
Escalation – Voicing concerns to others
Threat of noncompliance – Indicating unwillingness to comply
Act of defiance – Taking direct action aligned with our values
This framework is powerful because it makes defiance accessible. We don’t have to leap straight to dramatic public stands; we can begin with simply acknowledging our discomfort and gradually build our “defiance muscles” through practice and preparation.
Sah reinforces this practical approach with her “Defiance Compass,” structured around three essential questions:
Who am I? (Connecting with our core values)
What kind of situation is this? (Assessing for safety and impact)
What does a person like me do in a situation like this? (Aligning actions with responsibility)
These tools provide readers with concrete strategies for navigating difficult situations, making the abstract concept of defiance tangible and actionable.
The Defiance Hierarchy: Power, Race, and Who Gets to Say No
One of the most compelling aspects of “Defy” is Sunita Sah’s unflinching examination of how social power dynamics affect who can safely defy and who cannot. Through interviews with police officers, academics, and ordinary citizens, she illuminates the “defiance hierarchy” that makes defiance more costly and dangerous for marginalized groups.
Her discussions of racial dynamics in policing are particularly powerful, contrasting the experiences of Black civilians with those of white police officers. Sah shows how “The Talk” that Black parents give their children about interacting with law enforcement reflects the higher stakes of defiance for people of color.
This nuanced approach extends to her discussion of “conscious compliance”—the intentional decision to comply temporarily when the risks of defiance are too great. Rather than judging those who cannot safely defy in the moment, Sah acknowledges that deferring defiance can sometimes be a strategic choice, not a moral failure.
From Theory to Practice: Building Defiance Skills
The latter portion of “Defy” focuses on practical application, encouraging readers to develop their capacity for defiance through preparation, practice, and repetition. Sah introduces the concept of the “moral maverick”—someone who acts according to their values despite social pressure to do otherwise.
Through stories ranging from Greta Thunberg’s climate activism to Rachael Denhollander’s courageous confrontation of Larry Nassar’s abuse, Sah illustrates how ordinary people can become extraordinary through their commitment to living in alignment with their values. Importantly, she emphasizes that defiance doesn’t require extraordinary bravery or special qualities—it simply requires connecting with one’s true self.
The book concludes with a powerful call to action, urging readers to “dare to defy” and create a world where consent is not taken for granted and where “no” holds equal power with “yes.”
Critical Assessment: Strengths and Limitations
“Defy” by Sunita Sah excels in several key areas:
Accessibility: Sah transforms complex psychological concepts into understandable, relatable insights
Practicality: The book offers concrete tools and strategies, not just theoretical frameworks
Nuance: The author carefully avoids oversimplification, acknowledging the complex and sometimes contradictory nature of defiance
Inclusivity: Sah recognizes how power differentials affect the ability to defy and offers strategies tailored to different circumstances
However, the book isn’t without limitations:
Organizational structure: Sometimes the concepts feel repetitive across chapters, with similar ideas reappearing in slightly different forms
Cultural specificity: While Sah does include international examples, the book is primarily grounded in American and Western European contexts, potentially limiting its applicability to other cultural settings
Institutional focus: The book emphasizes individual actions over systemic change, which may leave some readers wondering how individual defiance translates into broader structural transformation
Case selection: The reliance on high-profile examples (like George Floyd’s murder) sometimes overshadows the everyday acts of defiance that might be more immediately relevant to readers’ lives
Comparison with Related Works
Unlike many self-help books that focus solely on personal assertiveness, “Defy” by Sunita Sah places individual actions within broader social contexts. It shares some conceptual territory with works like Robert Cialdini’s “Influence,” which examines the psychology of compliance, but Sah takes a more applied and values-centered approach.
The book’s emphasis on institutional dynamics also connects it to organizational psychology literature like Amy Edmondson’s work on psychological safety, though Sah extends these concepts beyond the workplace into personal and civic domains.
As Sunita Sah’s debut book, “Defy” establishes her as a thoughtful voice at the intersection of psychology, ethics, and social change. Her background as both a physician and organizational psychologist gives her insights unique depth and practical relevance.
Final Verdict: A Necessary Guide for Navigating Modern Compliance Pressures
“Defy” by Sunita Sah is a timely, important work that challenges readers to examine their own patterns of compliance and develop the skills necessary to live in alignment with their values. While not perfect, its strengths far outweigh its weaknesses, making it an essential read for anyone who has ever felt the tension between what they believe and what they feel pressured to do.
Sah’s compassionate, nuanced approach acknowledges the very real challenges of defiance while still empowering readers to find their voice. By reframing defiance as a skill that can be developed rather than an innate personality trait, she makes resistance accessible to everyone.
In a world increasingly characterized by conformity pressures and institutional overreach, “Defy” offers both practical wisdom and moral courage. It reminds us that our discomfort in the face of wrongdoing is not weakness but strength—and that by learning to honor that discomfort, we can transform not only our own lives but also the world around us.
For anyone who has ever swallowed their objections, pasted on a smile when they wanted to scream, or gone along with something that violated their values, “Defy” by Sunita Sah provides both validation and a roadmap forward. It deserves a place on the bookshelf of anyone seeking to live with greater integrity and purpose in a world that often demands otherwise.