Book Review: Lessons from Archangel Michael

Reviewed by Erin Britton

An unflinching account of narcissistic familial abuse and spiritual recovery from it

Norma Bonner’s Lessons from Archangel Michael is an often shocking memoir that charts the author’s spiritual awakening, her slow process of healing and acceptance, and her return to emotional equilibrium.

The need for this spiritual journey causes Bonner to view herself as having lived two lives: “One was shaped by pain—by confusion, neglect, and deep wounds” and the other “shaped by a presence I couldn’t always explain—something that guided me, protected me, and gave me strength.” Her hope is that the book will draw these two lives together.

In the first part of Lessons from Archangel Michael, Bonner describes her childhood and adolescence in a deeply dysfunctional family. Key to understanding what she experienced is understanding who was involved. Thus, she provides a simple but comprehensive definition of a covert narcissistic:

“A covert narcissist, sometimes called a fragile narcissist, is a narcissist in disguise. Unlike the obvious, attention-seeking narcissist, the covert kind hides in plain sight. They appear humble, generous, even self-sacrificing—but behind the mask is deep-seated anger, shame, and a powerful need to control and feed off others emotionally.”

She goes on to provide eye-opening insights into the signs, symptoms, and consequences of covert narcissism, as perceived by someone who has been victimized by a covert narcissist. While Bonner doesn’t seek to provide medical/diagnostic advice, she does elucidate the realities of an often misunderstood condition.

But who is the covert narcissist that Bonner describes? Sadly, it’s her mother.

As Bonner details growing up under the “care” of a covert narcissist—“She went out of her way for those in her life outside her home. To the ones she was meant to care for, it was the exact opposite.”—it quickly becomes clear how she and her siblings were left emotionally damaged by the experience.

From the petty criticism to the gaslighting to the golden child/scapegoat dynamic and more, Bonner exposes all of the little “tricks” that her mother played to keep the family in line and to ensure that her own needs and wants took precedence. Unsurprisingly, Bonner’s recollections can make for some upsetting and disturbing reading.

“There is no hurt that cuts quite so deep as realizing your own mother didn’t love you. That truth became the lens through which I had to see my life.” It’s painful to picture a young Bonner arriving at this realization, but doing so likely saved her life. Not all of her siblings were so lucky, as she explains with honesty and empathy.

While she began to take note of the many wrong and disquieting things about her family at a young age, in the second part of Lessons from Archangel Michael, Bonner explores how she was able to break free of the cycle of negativity and abuse and go on to build a more stable and authentic life, largely avoiding perpetuating the misery.

Of course, that was no easy matter. She moved out of the family home too young and wound up in an abusive relationship. The discussion about how the cycle of abuse perpetuates itself and how victims of narcissists often inadvertently enter similarly destructive relationships is enlightening and may provide hope and guidance for those in similar situations.

It initially seems that Bonner disengaged quickly, but as the memories in part two unfold, it actually becomes clear that she remained entangled in the unhealthy family dynamic for years—decades?—after moving out and starting a family of her own. In fact, her sisters were still using her as a scapegoat when she was caring for a grandchild.

The patterns from childhood repeated in other spheres of life too, most notably in Bonner’s employment experiences. However, despite such issues, she ultimately realized that she had a protector all along. “Archangel Michael is the champion of my story. He came to me when I needed him most, and he has guided me ever since. His wisdom, his protection, his presence.”

While the timeline leading to Bonner’s realization and spiritual awakening can be a little confusing, as are the identities of her three different sisters at different points in the memoir, it is clear that she narrowly avoided death by a thousand cuts through connecting with a spiritual energy she had felt all her life.

Bonner’s main guide in this regard is Archangel Michael, but she also has an Indigenous spirit guide named Kenneth. Her spirituality is an intriguing mix of religious practices, and the physical manifestations and visions she describes are quite interesting. Still, the key message is personal salvation through faith, which will appeal to many people.

In the final part of Lessons from Archangel Michael, Bonner details more of her understanding of the archangel and his established history. The information provided here will be particularly appreciated by those with an interest in theology and religious history. It also explains Bonner’s interpretation of events over her lifetime.

As her memoir makes clear, Bonner has lived a difficult life, and she is still dealing with the fallout of her family dynamic. While she has found spiritual salvation and renewed inner strength, the process has been far from plain sailing. As such, her story is likely to move and inspire, resonating particularly with those who have undergone similar experiences.

Thank you for reading Erin Britton’s book review of Lessons from Archangel Michael by Norma Bonner! If you liked what you read, please spend some more time with us at the links below.

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