Book Review: Love Wars by Matthew A. Tower

Reviewed by Samantha Hui

A haunting memoir about a Star Wars-level custody battle

“But I kept thinking about the ending scene. Was Darth Vader truly Luke’s father? Could a parent really become so twisted and mean?”

Love Wars by Matthew Tower is about the devastations of a family breaking apart through the eyes of a child. Written with disarming honesty by Matthew A. Tower and illustrated with cinematic intensity by Tsuneo Sanda, this work of creative nonfiction delves into the emotional terrain of childish parents, parentified children, and the loss of innocence.

Tower’s story is not only about the collapse of his parents’ marriage but also about the confusion of being caught between two people who both love you yet weaponize their love for you to win against the other. Themes of fractured identity, emotional manipulation, and the struggle for autonomy offer a devastating portrayal of childhood in the shadow of adult warfare.

“I wasn’t allowed to take my clothes from my father’s house to my mother’s house, or vice versa. When one parent purchased new shoelaces for me, the other parent removed them and strung in their own pair of shoelaces.”

From ages six to eleven, Matthew witnesses his parents’ relationship deteriorate from mutual coldness to open hostility. As the divorce finalizes, he and his younger brother Thomas become unwilling participants in their parents’ bitter custody battle. Matthew is forced into the role of messenger, carrying words and emotional burdens between mother and father until their resentments begin to blur his own sense of self.

Although he recognizes that Thomas, equally trapped, could be a source of solace, Matthew’s anger and confusion often manifest as cruelty toward his brother. Both parents demand his loyalty, each accusing the other of manipulation, leaving Matthew without solid ground.

When he reaches out for help from friends, teachers, or therapists, the adults around him respond with platitudes rather than understanding. The memoir ultimately traces his effort to disentangle himself from this chaos, reclaim agency, and rediscover genuine affection in a world where love has been distorted by conflict.

“My parents wanted to hate each other more than they wanted to take care of me.”

The memoir’s structure reinforces this emotional journey. The book is divided into Part I: The Nuclear Divorce, Part II: The Rebellion, and concludes with an epilogue; Tower’s narrative mirrors both the fracture and reconstruction of his young life. Chapters such as “Goodbye to My Hundred Acre Wood” and “How the Divorce Stole Christmas” highlight how Matthew interprets trauma through the lens of familiar childhood stories. He tries to frame his experience as a hero’s journey, however, the moral clarity of fairy tales never appears. Instead, Matthew’s reality remains murky, inconsistent, and painfully adult.

“Even though I’d never signed my name to it, I wished I could get out of this Contract.”

Tsuneo Sanda’s illustrations intensify the memoir’s emotional impact. Known for his official Star Wars prints and posters, Sanda channels his cinematic style into domestic tragedy, transforming moments of family tension into striking visual tableaux. Whether portraying a small Matthew caught in the middle of his parents’ arguments while his little brother waits in the car, or depicting Matthew’s mother restrained in a straight jacket and his father as a fascist dictator, Sanda’s artwork exposes the surreal gravity of emotional warfare in ordinary homes. Each image deepens the reader’s empathy, grounding Tower’s memories in both beauty and pain.

“I was a double double double agent. I spied on Mom for Dad; I spied on Dad for Mom…Whenever I messed up and told a secret I wasn’t supposed to, I’d feel so much shame, like I was the worst son in the world.”

Ultimately, Love Wars is a powerful meditation on the emotional, mental, and physical effects adult fights can have on young hearts. Tower’s vulnerability, paired with Sanda’s evocative visuals, makes this memoir essential reading for anyone interested in stories about family conflict, the endurance of children, and the art of turning pain into narrative power.

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