Content warnings: Child sexual abuse, rape
A heartbreaking, hope-filled memoir about overcoming debilitating trauma
Skyler Boschen seemingly had it all: a loving family, a passion for gymnastics and animals, and good friends. No one could imagine that she was hiding a tragic secret underneath the surface: that from ages three to eleven, she was being sexually abused by her grandmother and her boyfriend.
Boschen details this abuse in a frank way, going into detail about how it began, the shame she felt as a child, and the fact that she did not know how to talk about what was happening. After all, her abusers were people she was meant to trust and love.
The abuse she faced as a child has an almost ripple effect, leading to more troubling instances in her life. When a classmate sexually exploits her online, she is left paralyzed by fear, afraid to tell people because of what he might do in retaliation. Instead of realizing her role as a victim, Boschen felt scared and ashamed. Reading her description of these moments of harassment is rough, and her naiveté, which is normal for a teenager, comes across genuine and just deeply sad. There is a palpable brokenness from her years of abuse.
Everything Boschen experienced comes to a head during her second semester at college, when she is raped after a drunken night. Her shame and lack of support after she reported the rape to her university became the catalysts for her later work as an advocate for sexual abuse survivors.
This memoir is a troubling, emotional read. Boschen is currently in her early 20s and is writing about experiences no one should have in a way that will be challenging for many to digest. Stylistically, this is akin to a very personal diary. There is no sugar coating, as she even includes reports detailing the instances of sexual assault, including one where she is painted in a cruel way as someone who wanted what was happening. It takes a good deal of courage to be so open, especially for someone so young.
One important message that stands out is how parents can help their children recognize when they are in unsafe situations and how to react. Boschen’s parents seem loving and close with their daughter. It wan’t that she felt she could not talk to them; it was that she was confused by who her childhood abusers were, and, later, that she feared what her abuser was threatening to do if she didn’t send him provocative images. These are hard conversations to have with kids but essential ones, especially in the digital age.
While this memoir is dark in subject, Boschen remains a positive voice who channels her experiences into helping other survivors. This book gives hope to the hopeless—an important piece for those ready to confront their traumas and move on to a brighter future.
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