I’LL TRY ANYTHING TWICE

In the mid-2010s, the author had a coveted position at a New York media company, family and friends on both coasts, and a romantic relationship. Under the shiny surface, however, life was not so bright: “I developed at an early age an exhausting habit of pathologically comparing myself to others and never measuring up in my own mind,” Schwartz writes. While successful at work, the author was also unfulfilled and burned out. Her love life was also shaky, thanks in part to her boyfriend’s sudden interest in nonmonogamy. Most seriously, Schwartz struggled with lifelong depression—a suicide attempt in college led to a stay in a psychiatric ward. While medication (and partying) helped keep symptoms at bay, the author yearned for a higher purpose in life. When Schwartz met a charismatic entrepreneur called Coco at a Burning Man festival, he offered her a home and work on his Panamanian commune. She thrived in the jungle, launching a media program and falling in love, but when rough working conditions triggered a major depression, she returned to her mother’s Oakland home to finally heal. Schwartz’s prose is vivid and her humor unrelenting, even as she’s describing rock-bottom bed-rotting, unsuccessful attempts at ketamine therapy, and psychiatrists who prefer crystals over concrete solutions. The pros and cons of communal living are on full display through her rich descriptions and sharp dialogue. As she recounts navigating depression (the author was eventually diagnosed with bipolar II disorder) that may be resistant to treatment, hypomanic states experienced at wild parties in the vibrant Bay Area, and self-medicating with cocaine and whip-its, Schwartz guides readers through a page-turning journey that will be all too relatable to anyone who’s struggled with mental health issues.