A moving and reflective literary novel about atonement, reconciliation, and one woman grappling with her dark past
Donna has carried the shame of her past like Sisyphus and his boulder: perpetually and futilely. The actions of her youth have haunted her, the weight of her guilt slowly crushing her. But on Halloween night 1991, twelve years to the day since the course of her life changed, Donna decides she must finally have her reckoning.
“Admitting to things out loud makes them real. But burying painful secrets wasn’t working for me anymore either. The evil was creeping back into my life, no matter how hard I tried to forget it. Guilt is like a fog: there’s no way to punch through it.”
Halloween night, 1979. A sweet elderly woman in a picturesque cottage home is handing out full-sized candy bars, much to the delight of young Donna, trick-or-treating with her friends. As the night comes to an end, the girls return to the little blue cottage to get a second helping. Donna worries that the old woman will call the girls out for their gluttony, but is pleasantly surprised when the woman instead invites the girls to visit anytime to share chocolates with her.
One friend is not allowed to return, and the other friend is quickly weirded out by Mrs. Bardawulf, the old woman, which eventually leaves Donna returning to the little cottage alone, again and again. For Donna, these visits provide an escape from friendship troubles and lots of delicious pastries, baked by Mrs. B. The meetings are seemingly innocent, as Mrs. B shares tidbits about her life in Germany and becomes a motherly figure to Donna, who butts heads with her own mother.
But Donna of ’91—older, wiser, and more informed—can now see all the glaring red flags of those moments with Mrs. B. All those memories of her visits with Mrs. B were now nauseating to reflect on, but Donna was just a child—naive and uninformed about history, traits that led her to be primed and influenced by a Nazi, Mrs. B.
Told concurrently, Beyond Where Our Monsters Lie, bounces back and forth from Donna of ‘79 to Donna of ‘91. In the present, Donna slowly reveals her past to Mark, the dearest friend she’s had since everything transpired all those years ago. Mark’s rabbinical studies and closeness to Donna allow him to be the perfect sounding board for Donna’s past, and the ideal person to help her navigate her internal battles with guilt and her desire to reconcile with her past.
In ‘79, we follow Donna through the transgressions she commits under the influence of Mrs. B. Her actions are painful to read, as young Donna grapples with her intuitive feelings that something isn’t quite right and her trust in this adult who treats her with nothing but kindness. All this is heightened by the turbulent emotions of being a young girl dealing with changing friendship jealousy.
Beyond Where Our Monsters Lie is reflective and challenging. It highlights a character who is courageous enough to look a painful past in the face and take accountability. The exploration of atonement in this novel is commendable in its unflinching rawness. Remorse, self-growth, and forgiveness, or the lack of forgiveness, are depicted wonderfully realistically. This novel is a complete evolution of the journey one must go through to move through the weight of their past.
This is a book you may need to set down occasionally, due to the nature of the subject, but it’s also one you won’t want to stop reading. Where the past of the novel is painful, the present is full of slow-blooming hope. The growing trust and honesty between Donna and Mark is sweet to read, as the reader also becomes closer to these characters in their interactions.
Beyond Where Our Monsters Lie is one of those novels that will stick with you for a long time. This is a must-read for those who love strong character growth, genuine characters, and themes of moving on from a haunting past.
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